How to Move on From a Relationship Without Closure

I've said it one and I'll say it a hundred times more, breaks up are fucking hard. Worse than exams, more painful than doing your taxes, way more terrible than blowing an interview for a job you totally wanted. Doesn't matter how long you were together and if the two of you were never meant to be, they suck through and through and anyone who denies it is a liar.

The good part is, that feeling does't last forever, even though it may feel like it might. If you've ever been through a breakup you know the typical stages of finally admitting it's happening, saying the words, then slowly going your own way? But what if you just skip all that? What if the terrible feeling is just multiplied because the whole breakup was a total surprise to you? Or worse, there's no closure!

Girl, I get it. If I could have minored in anything in college it would be in minor in bouncing back from relationships I probably should have never been in. The worst type of breakup is the kind that leaves you hanging, for an explanation, a final goodbye, or just a fucking apology.Everyone deserves closure, a moment to tell someone how much it all meant to them, to express their hurt and wish each other well despite it all. Unfortunately not every gets this basic human right, because anyone who has ever been hurt knows that relationships are never fair. One person always gives more, compromises more, loves more.

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So how are you just supposed to move on with life like nothing ever happened, even when it feels as if you're life has come to a dead halt? If you're feeling this way, you may still be hanging onto the hope that closure will come, but sometimes, it just doesn't.

And if it does, I'm sure it will come at a time when you've managed to pick up the pieces and move on with life. But right now, you're probably looking for a way to pick yourself off the bed, so while this might not fix the hurt it can at the very least be the first step to moving on from a chapter that not only ended badly, but never truly wrapped up the story line.

Accept the situation.

Coming to terms with the fact that your relationship is the most difficult part, especially when a big part of you wants to call, text and email them until you get some sort of response. Once you've moved past the point of denial, letting your new status settle in your mind is a big step towards moving on with your life.

Breaking down is necessary

If you bottle it up it will all burst out of you at the worst moment, like on the subway home when you see a couple happily carrying groceries home. Avoid unnecessary triggers by feeling all your emotions at once. Call a friend, call an acquaintance, call anyone who will let you vent and cry for as long as you need. While some people say you need to stay strong I'm a strong advocate of letting yourself mourn the end of a relationship.

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Write it all down

This may be completely strange but since I was fourteen I've taken the time to document each breakup, diary style. Writing down how you feel in the moment, what words were said in anger and the last words exchanged are all valuable steps to take. There will come a time when you forget the small details and begin to fantasize about all the best moments, but having in writing the way you felt when it was fresh will prevent you from making the same mistake twice.

Get angry, fast!

You know how I said you need to break down? Well you cant lay on the kitchen floor forever, I mean cmon, it's not like you cut someone's lvad wire. Once youre done crying it out for a few days and chronicling your failed love story, turn all that sadness into anger because you're about to give yourself a kick in the ass. Remind yourself of every annoying thing they did, unfair argument they used and all the times they just let you down. I'm serious, you better get in touch with your bitter side if you're gonna make it through this.

Change your environment

Chances are that you fell into a routine with your significant other, and their absence is going to lead you to miss all the things you used to do together. Move your furniture around, toss out any unnecessary reminders of them and start visiting places that are covered in memories of the two of you. Trust me, eventually you can go back to your favorite bar, but for now stick to places that wont leave you reminiscing.

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Build your community

We're all guilty of neglecting our friends when a new boy comes into our lives, and thankfully they are always there for us when said boy ends up being just temporary. Surround yourself with people who love you while also making an effort to meet new people. Having people to call on during those lonely days and long weekends without plans will be so beneficial to moving on.

Define what closure means to you

Closer means something different to everyone. To me, I need a conversation to flesh out why things went the way they did. But I'm a therapist, so you could say I enjoy talking for hours about less than happy things. Figure out what closure what be to you if you could have it, and once you know, give it to yourself. If you wanna have a talk, grab a friend and do that with them. If you need a reason, make a list of all the things that made you less than a perfect pair. Define what closure means, get what you can, then begin to heal and learn for your next love, cause there will be a next love.

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