10 Things That Happened the Day I Realized I Didn't Love You Anymore

Breakups are terrible, at every age. No one can truly warn you how hard it is to go from loving someone one day to having to imagine life without them the next. Forget having to let go of marriage and babies and all that crap, because if we're honest, that's not what makes you curl up on the floor and cry till you cant breathe. It's the small things. Having to carry your heavy grocery bags on your own again, not having that one person to text when something big or infinitely small happens, or having to constantly pass that one restaurant you both loved.

Breakups suck, so fucking much. They make you wanna call out of work and turn us into crazy stalkers. If you have friends you can vent to for weeks, be thankful. For those of us who have to bottle it all up cause rent ain't free and friends are far away, I feel ya.

Here's the thing though, it fades. The anger subsides and the pain comes and goes, but none of it is permanent. Eventually you stop talking about them, then you only stalk them once in a while, maybe one day you realize you went a whole week without thinking of them, until eventually you feel whole enough again to speak of them without a trace of sadness or bitterness in your mouth.

Except even once you've healed, the feelings sometimes linger behind. Yes, you can get over a breakup without letting go of your feelings in the process. In my experience that takes a litle bit longer. Maybe secretly we hold on because of a hope that it will all work out, even though it rarely does. Even feelings go away after some time, and that's when I think you're truly free to live your life once again without any of the baggage you clung to post breakup.

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1. I could go on social media and scroll without worry.

No more being jealous that you were out while I was at home or that you were having fun doing that one thing you never gave a chance when I recommended it.

2. Seeing photos and posts with you in them didn't completely alter my mood.

A moment of looking at your face didn't send me into a spiral of what went wrong, why I hated you or why I wished you would just go away forever.

3. I was no longer worried about running into you.

The first few months were a constant worry of running into you at all, then when I wasnt looking my best. Not I can confidently say I wouldn't give you a second glance.

4. I stopped thinking about what I would say if you ever walked up to me.

Sure, I always wondered what I would say if you approached me. Now I'm much more comfortable knowing I wouldn't even bother to give you a response.

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5. I finally admitted to myself that you were more bad than good.

No more making excuses, we ended for a reason, and I've finally healed enough to admit them to myself. 

6. I said to myself the one thing I promised to never throw in your face.

Every couple has that one thing that they never mention in a fight, no matter how angry they are. Well listen up ladies, once it's over, stop holding back the one thing you were always too kind to say out loud. Trust me, it feels so liberating. 

7. I didn't compare every guy I met to you.

The first date I went on post break up was odd, uncomfortable, and ended very quickly. You'll have a moment though where you don't compare every little move.

8. And if I did, you always came in last.

Okay sometimes you do compare little things, but when you do, you'll find you prefer the new guy's traits much more. 

9. I wasn't reminded of you everywhere I went.

No one talks about how freaking annoying it is to walk by the restaurant of your first date, or the spot of the first  place you kissed, day after day. This one takes a while of course, but it's good to walk down the street and not linger on the old memories. 

10. You no longer dominated my conversations.

The day my friends no longer needed to check in with how I was feeling was the day I knew I was finally moving on. You're not all we talk about anymore, and when we do, our talks are filled with laughter about how stupid it all was. Not all of it of course, but the end, the end was mighty dumb of me.