Finally Getting the Sign I Needed

Do you know when you haven't done something for so long that you forget how to get started? As if your body has forgotten the movements associated with the activity? Like standing up after sitting through a long flight, your bones and muscles don't fully cooperate with what they're being told to do. That's a bit of what writing this post feels like. I have the words in my head, but somehow I cant push the message down to my fingertips and onto the keyboard. But I'm going to try, because the universe finally gave me the sign I've been looking for for the past four months.

I started 2016 strong, in some ways more than others. Apart from being dumped on New Year's Day my writing was finally catching stride. I was publishing regularly and my actual website was gaining regular readers. My daily page views were increasing and the ideas were coming to me on the bus, at work and sometimes even in my sleep. Then one day I just stopped.

Writing, more specifically blogging, is this thing I picked up on a whim. Throwing some thoughts on a web page always came easy to me, especially when I received feedback that someone out there had been helped. The thing is, I've spent six years studying psychology in the hopes of becoming a counselor, which is why sometimes it's hard to devote countless hours to writing and editing. It's not that I don't have the time, instead it's wondering if I chose the wrong thing, the wrong major, the wrong career. If I do so well with blogging, why again am I busting my ass to earn a masters in counseling?

Anyways, this is the dilemma that's kept me from publishing anything I wrote over the last four months. My Twitter account is dry and my Bloglovin feed has hundreds of amazing posts I need to catch up on. When I'm not writing I tend to pull away from everything that reminds me of it, which means ignoring my favorite blogs and staying off Pinterest. Never Instagram though, I'm committed for life there.

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Over the past three months I started dating a guy, traveled to Texas, stopped dating a guy, celebrated my birthday and began seeing someone new who strangely is interested in all parts of my life, including my blog. For someone who keeps my writing separate from my real life, meaning I don't talk about it with friends, it's strange to have a stranger be so encouraging about something I'm so passionate yet private about.

And that's where it all started. I decided I needed a sign, something from the universe to let me know that I wasn't wasting my time writing into the late hours of the night. I've been waiting for something that seemed concrete, an obvious sign that would be impossible to ignore. And this morning, I got it!

Early this morning my phone buzzed and alerted me I had an email. On my commute to work I noticed the title of the email, "I'm not your target audience, so sorry if this is weird?" Unsure if this was spam or possibly worse I decided I would open it at work and let my work computer get a virus.

Upon opening the email I realized it wasn't spam, and it wasn't someone trying to hack my computer. My sign had finally arrived in the form of an email from a boy I had never heard of.

You guys, when I tell you that reading this email made me cry like a child, I'm not exaggerating. While I won't get into the full details I'll give you a general gist. Basically, this email was from a young guy who had noticed my blog had come to a halt in the past few months. He disclosed to me what he had been dealing with lately, including the death of someone close to him and a personal injury.

In the email he shared that he read my blog because he not only did he enjoy what I had shared but believed the person close to him who passed away would have liked it too. If that isn't the sweetest thing ever then I don't know what is.

The boy reads my blog to help cope with his loss and because he thinks the girl he lost would have liked it too! You guys, this is some Nicholas Sparks shit that I was not ready for at 10am. But most of all, it was my sign. Which leads me here, right now, writing this post.

I've done a lot of thinking about this boy and my blog and what I want this all to lead to. I've read hundreds of blogs and follow countless bloggers online. The thing is, there's no one out there that fully gives me what I've been looking for, which is that feeling you get when you call a friend and just listen to them rant about their day and maybe somewhere in their long winded story you both learn a lesson. Sometimes you don't, sometimes you keep making the same mistake over and over until one of you threatens to not listen anymore cause you're over talking about the same issue.

So I've figured it out ya'll, I'm gonna finally let my blog fully reflect my life. I don't plan to do a single thing differently except run back here after a long day of working full time and being single at 24 and spill to you guys all the things that annoyed me, made me happy, made me cry, and made me thankful to be a twenty something living in my dream city. I may not have fashion advice or the time to travel constantly, but I do have an ability to make the most dull weekends turn into an adventure my friends cant wait to hear the details to.

Thank you to the boy who gave me the sign I've been waiting for and for those of you that stick around every time I have an existential crisis and run away from my blog screaming.